Thursday, April 14, 2005

I spoke out about God, so He took my voice.

Yesterday I spoke out about God. I have not been feeling well and to add to the misery yesterday I felt like I was coming down with a cold. I sounded off to my boss about my question of faith. You know "if there's a God" and "why does He make things so hard". I thought I was presenting perfectly legitimate questions. However, this morning I woke up with laryngitis.

I questioned how we are suppose to be His children and He our father, yet He does not seem to care that we suffer so. I mean if I was an all seeing, all knowing deity, I would not toy with my creations. I would want, like any parent wants for their children, the best. I mean, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. Who wants everlasting life, if life sucks!

I am really having a tough time of this since I have gotten older, for one excuse. I was raised to believe in God the Father, and Jesus His Son, but I am finding it very hard to swallow now. For years I have had a hard time dealing with the Christian concept that if you believe and ask God to forgive you, you will go to heaven. That means if someone like Ted Bundy becomes a "Christian" in the last minutes of life, they get to walk around heaven being treated as an equal to someone like Ned Flanders.

I know I need to have a sit down with the pastor and talk about these things. I'm sure he'll have some very rational explanations, but that another problem. I am having trouble believing anything that mankind says. History is not the whole truth, it's only the truth as seen by someone at sometime. Biographies and autobiographies tell only what the writer wants to tell. People believe in almost anything, so what is real and what is not?

I should be allowed to think and speak about the questions I have. I suppose I'll find out tomorrow and see if I wake up with my hands wracked with pain, where I'm unable to type.

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