I survived!!! But, I'm still not living. My hand was just sore enough to remind me I am not running things. I am still somewhat bitter but I am working on coming to peace with life. I try not to think too much about it or I get terribly depressed. So instead I rely on my mind to ease me through the day. My mind is a wondrous vast dark chasm. Things go in some come out some evaporate instantly.

For example, I quit smoking January 1, 2005. I had smoked about 35 years quitting only when I had my babies some 30 years ago. Now, most days, I forget I ever smoked. My husband reminds me from time to time. But, as far as I "remember" I haven't smoked.

Another example...I just finish reading The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. I truly enjoyed reading the book. I couldn't wait each day to come home and find time to read it. I finished it in about 4 days. Now here's my review from memory. Its about this boy and his father's servant's son growing up in Kabul, then parting and life's cruelities. I read about traditions, cultural differences and the tragedies of war. The best part of the book was the first part which covered him growing up and he was cruel to the servant's son but the servant's son adored and admired him, but they had fun. This a book I just finished last night.

So as I was saying, What was I saying? If I had a good memory I don't think I could get up each morning. It would drive me crazy. I drive my one son crazy 'cause I say something like, Hey, could you bring in the thing from that place out there and leave it so I can do something with it. What's even crazier is he is starting to understand me. Of course, there is usually some hand signals in with my general sentences. What I don't understand is although most of my memory sucks. I can still function at an above average level at work and stuff. But even my boss is getting to understand me when I say I left the thing for the stuff on my desk if you need it tomorrow for that thing. He knows what ever I am talking about is on my desk and it's just what he needs and it is done neatly, concisely, and explained in detail on the note left with whatever it is. Yeah, at work if it wasn't for poste notes I could not function.

But it's not just me lacking of the English language. It's a whole thought process. Like I said, if I wasn't reminded of it...I truly do forget I smoked. I like playing Bejeweled (I had to look that one up) and when you set off the wirly ball and it strikes all those jewels with a lighting style...that's how I feel things happen in my brain. Every once in a while my brain does that lighting style strikes and kills off some of my memory jewels.